Only In Indiana

This blonde chick and I had been talking for a few days on facebook.  I could tell right away that she was a whore just by going through her profile pictures. Not to mention she sexted me a few mirror pics of her in her bra and underwear. Whore. You see, I live so close to the Ohio/Indiana border (about 10 minutes) that banging girls from Indiana is actually practical.  But it all evens out because most girls from Indiana are complete idiots.  Here are a few descriptions that will help you effectively picture an Indiana girl: pregnant, teen mother, pill-popper, unemployed, very unflattering facial piercings, no license (my least favorite), generally shady, unintelligent and there is always slutty (my favorite).  She invited me over to her house in Winchester, Indiana.  I was a shoe-in to get some.

I made the drive and when I walked into her house, I saw a crib in the living room. Fuck. Please be her roommate’s baby’s crib or something.  All of those hopes were laid to rest when she told me to be quiet because her son was sleeping. Right on. I don’t know why I was bummed about her being a MILF anyway. I mean, I wasn’t going to date this chick. Fuck that. That’s what I came here to do actually….fuck that. From there, we head down to her basement, which happens to be the home of some random dude. Apparently in Indiana, everyone lives in everyone else’s basement.  It was a little awkward to say the least.  The guy was rolling a blunt on the coffeetable as the MILF and I exchange glances.  She goes upstairs and leaves me alone with this dumbass. Part of me wanted to just leave and go home, but there was weed right in front of me and a dumb, slutty blonde upstairs. No guy in their right mind would drive home. Just as he was about to smoke it, my phone vibrated. A text. It’s from the slut upstairs.

“Come upstairs. I’m in my room.”

Those are the kind of texts that make guys smile from ear to ear or from six to midnight, however you want to look at it. I’ve always said that there are few things better than sex, but one of them is the feeling you get right before when you just KNOW you’re getting laid.

I walk upstairs to find a pitch-black living room with nothing but the fish aquarium light to help me guide my way.  I find a hallway and look around when I hear the MILF watching tv in one of the rooms.

MILF “I’m in here.”

Okay, okay, so she’s laying on her bed, watching tv and there is nowhere else to sit in this room. There is only bed. This is too easy. Obviously, I lay down beside her and engage in small talk.  I noticed the room decorated very oddly for a girl living there. Camo, knives on the wall, dark colors everywhere. 

Me “Why do you have knives on your wall?”

MILF “Those are my husband’s.”

Never put anything past an Indiana girl.

Me “Ummm….where is he.”

MILF “Jail”

Me “Oh. Okay. Where?”

MILF “Here in town. Actually the jail is just a few blocks from here.”

The only thing I could think about is some random guy jumping through the wind, beating the shit out of me, and stabbing me with one of the knives he uses for decoration on his wall. That isn’t very likely, but me having sex with this girl…now that is likely.



Apparently talking about her husband in jail turned her on because she turned family guy off and literally jumped on top of me.  I guess she likes to make the first move.

She took her clothes off very shortly after jumping on me and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw a pair of the nicest, small, perky boobs I’ve ever seen.  Good for you, mother of hopefully just one. This chick’s body was stupid good-looking, and I didn’t mind it at all. I switched to being on top and started slamming this broad.  I’m not one to talk about performance, but she seemed to be enjoying it very much.  Her boobs were annoyingly perfect. Everything about this chick’s body just screamed virgin, but I guess she just had good genes or some shit. Whatever.  So we continue fucking when I hear something from outside the door.

Voice “Mommy!”

God damn it. Yes, this chick’s son is now awake, crying, screaming for his mother and banging on the door to which his mother is being slammed out by a stranger on the other side. I kept going because there’s no way I’m stopping if she doesn’t stop.

Me” Is that your son?”

MILF ”Yeah, he just wants attention, he’ll go back to bed in a minute.”

I’ve been in a lot of unorthodox situations before, but this was a new one for me. So there I was, trying to focus on fucking this girl when I have her moaning in one ear and her 3 year-old crying and yelling in the other. Let’s just say it was a little bit uncomfortable. I’ve never tried so hard to block something out in my life. I just stared at those boobs and kept on going.

After what seemed like a half hour of knocking and screaming, she finally begged me to finish so she could go outside to tend to her son.  For being such a whore, she insisted that I finish on her boobs and not in her mouth, which is where I offered. I got off on those amazing tits, got dressed while she put her son to bed and then I left. We haven’t talked since. I think I was a booty call. I’m okay with that. Stay classy, Indiana.


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