Welcome to America

Los Angeles is a melting pot of random ethnicities.  Finding a woman there who was born and raised in California was pretty rare, for me at least.  Most of them were either mixed or had just straight moved to L.A. from another country.

This particular story is about a Turkish girl.  She spoke English, but it was terrible broken English.  I understood about 75% of what came out of her mouth, but then again I could care less what comes out of a woman’s mouth because all I could think about was what could go in. 

We had been texting for a few days and some sexual things had already been brought up.  This supplied the motivation to drive the 20 miles (at least 45mins in L.A. traffic) to go hangout with her.  After picking her up we went to the bar for some beers and mixed drinks.  She was boring and I couldn’t understand her sober, let alone after a few Long Island iced-teas.  All I knew was that she was relatively new to the United States and she had one of those foreign exchange host families to live with while she went to college here in the country. 

We left the bar what seemed like hours later and made our way back to my car.  I drove her back to her family’s house and we sat in the parked car for a few minutes.  After flirting with the naïve foreigner for a minute or so, she began unbuttoning my pants.  She lowered her head toward mine and started to suck my dick.  It was old-school passenger to driver’s seat dome while parked in a car.  It wasn’t long after that I realized she was absolutely terrible.  Turkish girls must never give blowjobs in their homeland because this was the worst.  It was one of those moments where I’d almost rather wished I was doing something else instead of getting a blowjob. Luckily for me, I can basically make myself finish at will.  It sounds like bullshit, but its just as much a mental release as it is physical.  It was then that she stopped, looked up at me and uttered some words in a Turkish accent that I’m pretty sure I deciphered into this.

Her “Don’t go in my mouth. I don’t like that.”

Me “Yeah, okay.”

I knew right then that I was going to finish right in this chick’s mouth or I was going to die trying. Make it happen. Make it happen. After about ten more minutes of atrocious sucking and slurping I finally got off. Right in her mouth! Score! And no, I didn’t give her a warning or so much as a tap or a moan. She had no clue what was “coming.” It was one of those proud asshole moments where I was just so pleased with myself. There was a solid 7 or 8 seconds of awkward when she surprisingly gulped down my load and wiped her mouth. She was not the least bit pleased about the situation.  As she opened the door and got out, she poked her head back in to say goodbye or something when I cut her off with quite possibly my favorite asshole line that has ever come out of my mouth.

Me “Welcome To America.”

She shut my door and went inside. Let’s just say we never hungout again.  America: 1 Turkey: 0  Beat that, Tucker Max.

Screen Shot 2013-11-17 at 10.27.08 PM


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s